I promise you there is a lot more to life than avoiding the fact that you are scared shitless. You can keep yourself busy for a whole lifetime trying to avoid the fact that you’re scared. Fear and challenges for me were completely immobilizing.  I write my story to demonstrate just how gripping fear can be and how powerful it is to start living from something else. Challenges don’t make you a better person. You make you a better person. Bravery to look at what is actually happening is key. You can try to control your environment around you to be less scared. You can try to control your emotions or drown them in alcohol or drugs or you can be brave, face what’s going on and create something much better than you can imagine.

I believe that we have celestial beings available to help us 24/7. Some of which who can be with us and another person simultaneously. I believe that people have personal gifts and that we are born to bring those to Earth to help us to evolve into love. It’s easy to get into a depression if you’re not carefully focused on what you want to create in this lifetime. The forces of negativity and positivity are everything. Clarity versus confusion. Love versus Hate. Action and Inaction. Ying and Yang. Healthy versus unhealthy.

I believe that our brains are massive organs of receptivity. If we wish for guidance, something all around us is helping to guide us in a helpful purposeful directions. All we have to do is slow our minds down and listen, feel, see, or know.

I believe that if we ask for signs we get them. But we need to deal with what emotions come up to receive the message. And I will go into that in full detail later and techniques you can use to speak to your own helpful spirits.

“I believe that life is more than who we are….” —Matchbox 20

I drove fear down my throat so forcefully until I became a living breathing machine. Of course all machines break down eventually. I would find that the perceived easiness of life would easily wear off. By ricocheting on and off people and multiple failed harmonious relationships I came to realize my lack of self-worth and the massive amount of fear that I carried with me.

Growing up, my mom was a waitress down at a local fancy hippie restaurant and my dad was a part time maintenance worker at a federal building about 15 minutes away. We lived in a big old haunted Victorian duplex. Me and my twin sister, Amber, tried using separate rooms for our beds for a while, but then decided that we felt safer sleeping in the same room.

College for me was at the University of Maine. I studied Biology and was overly ambitious. Now, after working in the vicious corporate world for over 5 years, I am recovering with menial side jobs, lots of meditating and fun distracting things like buying my first home with my fiancé, Jay.

In these pages I will go through my weird and painful experience of life so far and show you how I get to the exhilarating parts. You will see how I stumble through my first and second necessary but humiliating experiences with, excuse my language, b*tches in the workplace and just how afraid I really as. Finally rising above and coming to realize with every grain of my body and being my real worth and the happiness that was meant for me.


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