Harold, after getting his new position moved into Tammy’s old room to the right of the main lab. I tried to tell myself that I wasn’t upset at his gain, but I was upset. I put in all the work and hadn’t gotten any recognition for it. He could sense my irritation. I hadn’t been happy about it and one morning I took it out on him by being distant and cold. Empowering and reminding myself that I didn’t have to be happy if I wasn’t.

Days later Harold had sent me an email to fill up all the soap dispensers in the lab because he had noticed they were running low. I gawked at the screen of my computer. That is something he could have easily done himself and Tammy would have done in his position. I instinctively knew he only was trying to display his new authority over me and my newly developed contrarian vibe. I had blabbed to Lauren about it and before long everyone knew of Harold’s “new ways.”

I had filled the empty softsoap  soap dispensers and checked my vibe soon thereafter and things had blown over. I went back to being friendly to him and he went back to being chill and overly concerned with other matters. I had always talked to him genuinely and liked the nice person that he was.

As of late, my falling out with Lauren, meant that he was my only real friend that I could still chat with feel secure. He wasn’t in the in crowd and thankfully wasn’t talking to Lauren every five seconds like Angela was. I’d go in to his room and drop off paperwork in a tray and glance at his tackky ‘Is it FRIDAY YET?” mug and his Darth Vader clock. I thought about how sad the items were, but they made my heart smile a little bit. He was unique. Why couldn’t I be more like Harold and not care what all the ‘cool people’ thought?

​It was my second summer working with Lauren and the gang on the coast and my angels kept telling me that I was doing a good job and congratulating me on the work I had done. I thought back to how cool it all was, like Margaret had told me, ‘your intuition is a muscle you develop’. ‘The spiritual realm can give you so much more than the earthly realm’ I was beginning to realize how true it really was. I felt proud of beginning to be more true to who I was and proud of the emotional work I had done.

Resentment issues had come to the forefront. Margaret had guided me to send the people that I had issues with love and light in my mind. “Watch how things change!” She had said.

I was tuning into my feelings and more able to recognize when there was a feeling inside me that needed to be felt, acknowledged, and healed with new loving healthy thoughts. I was starting to get out of my head and into my body. It felt like, all of a sudden, I was magically filling my head with good nurturing thoughts.

I was sitting outside on my lunch break at work and was typing away eating a Pizza Lunchable that I had bought. I remember being very excited about it. I had had one for lunch the day before too. It really felt good to be treating myself to something I really liked. I couldn’t help  but think that I had started regressing to my younger years. The night before I had been doing an adult coloring book and giggling at something on TV and had the same thought. The refrigerator for our group was in the biotoxin lab. I wasn’t feeling sociable and Lauren was in there chatting with four or so people. I quickly and probably a little awkwardly ran in and out of there to grab my lunchable and find sanctuary in the sun down by the water. Things had been better with Lauren after sending her love and light. Our forced interactions feeling a little more manageable and easy.
I wondered what to do with my life. Knowing that I should have faith, that a plan was in the works, but sometimes I let doubts creep in. I knew what I was writing was something, something tangible that people could read and know I lived. Maybe it could  give people the courage to know how things could change.  Know that there is love and light in the world and to give them hope.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: