Chapter Thirteen


It was winter time and I was feeling a combination of dread and hope as I walked into Lauren’s house for an essential oil party. There were about 10 unfamiliar cars scattered about in the driveway , the same one that I sat in every morning waiting for Lauren to come out of her house for another unenthusiastic day at work. I knew Angela, from work, would be there and I reminded myself of it to reassure and steady myself.  I was immediately overwhelmed with people to introduce myself to as I walked into the crowded kitchen.

I talked to a tall blonde lady first that I recognized from yoga class, who I immediately felt inferior to. I felt like she belonged in a J. Crew magazine mixed with a bohemian self-made Youtube yoga video that got a lot of views. She was about 40 and was a stay at home mom. I don’t remember what I talked to her about because my nerves had completely overcome me by that point. She made haste in moving on and away from me and my nervous energy onto someone, I presumed, who may be more comfortable to talk to.

I felt extremely insecure and a bit panicky and found comfort next to Lauren over by her kitchen counter. The kitchen was small and u-shaped and surrounded by older, medium toned, wooden cabinets. Lauren offered me some mulled wine and made sure to exaggerate the recipe to me in a way that she knew it was exemplary of her to tell it with such enthusiasm and presence. I remember feeling like I was an item for her instead of a friend or a person. Was I just an item to flaunt her influence and status? Another chair filled to demonstrate to the other ladies there how many friends she had?

Lauren meandered away, and I made my way towards the oval shaped kitchen table that had had an extender put in it for the occasion. Kate, our yoga instructor, was talking to a couple ladies, she had set up all the essential oils on the oval table for people to begin sniffing. I tried to position myself in a way that I would appear comfortable. I began to listen, but  made sure not to be directly part of the conversation for fear I would stop it. I smelled a couple of the fragrances.   The kitchen table had been pulled out so that there was more space around it. I put one knee on a chair in a non-committal way and listened to Kate talk about the oils. Another lady and I got to talking. She was very nice and had a kind and matter of fact way in talking and her short black hair laced with gray thick strands made me feel unusually comfortable. I discovered she did the same yoga class as I did with Kate and I learned that she had a wedding planning company. We talked about any ideas I had for my wedding so far and she gave me her business card.

Kate called the other ladies over and started to begin her presentation. Kate, as I already knew, had a very loving way of talking, often closing her eyes during parts of her demonstration. She radiated love and confidence and was continually warm to me when I saw her. I was happy to be trying new things and getting out of my comfort zone a bit. She went over a bunch of different oils and what they could be used for, how some could be used in cooking and onward.

I already knew some of the information because it wasn’t the first essential oil party I had been to. We all sipped on our warmed wine and listened along. Angela from work showed up 10 minutes or so into her talk and I felt instantly comforted by her presence. She introduced herself and we went on with the discussion. Some of the ladies in the group shared what they used essential oils for like calming down. Another remarked she felt like she had been calming down for so long that it was finally time to wake up, so she had started using different essential oils to help her with that. During the presentation Kate had said that you probably need whatever scent you are drawn to in your life and that they are kind of like horoscopes in that way. I was drawn to a scent called Arborvitae.

The scent had the following description under emotional benefits. Emotionally, Arborvitae has been used for centuries by Natives to promote grounding, calming, and spiritual trust. Like all tree oils, it can help us stand strong and stable. It also helps those of us who feel like everything is or has to be a struggle, or that we must do things ourselves without help (hmm, maybe that’s why I didn’t care for the aroma!). It can help a person process through control issues, rigidity, trust, fighting with reality, courage, and more. I was instantly amazed. Out of all the 30+ oils she had out on the table for some reason I was drawn to the earthy smell of this one. It was exactly what I needed. I needed to trust and let go and let other people help me. (Especially the spiritual realm!) I had just started using angel cards and it was exciting to get something about spirituality even in the scent I was attracted to.

At a local bookstore, with Lauren about a month back, I had been to another essential oil party. It had been interesting because there were two women there promoting their new book. It was a tiny book that they had created that had an emotion on each page coupled with an affirmation to help you let go of the emotion. They had written it after one of them had been bed-stricken for several months, after having believed that she had been ignoring her own emotions. When she began to acknowledge her emotions she realized the magic connection between mind body and soul.

They had done an emotion test the night they told the small group how they had come up with the idea for their book. The test demonstrated that you were stronger when you weren’t thinking about stressful things. She had asked for a volunteer for the test and Lauren, out of about seven women, coyly stood up. She was asked to focus on not letting her arm go down when it was pushed on to test for resistance in the muscle. Then she was going to do the same thing and ask Lauren to  think about something stressful at the same time. Lauren’s arm had gone straight down proving their theory that things get harder when you are thinking about stressful or upsetting things.

We had been outside, Lauren and I, and the sun had gone down. The yellow historic street lights glowed in the background, a humming to my life in transit.We were standing outside talking about what we had just done and were both excited that we had bought the small book of emotions.

Lauren had said that she thought about her and her husband’s trouble conceiving during her volunteer as the stress test participant. I had comforted her. It felt nice to be able to talk about intimate things with her. I had tried with other friends and it felt like they didn’t really have the interest. I left her to find her truck with tears welling up in her eyes as I tried to comfort her.

It was exciting for me, after my experience at NDX, that I could be accepted so readily here and with Lauren. I was forming new friendships along with new acquaintances. I was starting to do things that interested me. Emotion had greatly interested me since starting therapy. I found the mind body connection completely fascinating and homeopathic medicine was always something that I had believed in.  It not only felt like I was on the right path, but it felt like I had momentum surging in me to be involving these things in my day to day life. It felt like I was growing as a person, but it turns out everybody always wants to believe delusion. I was happy in the delusion of not knowing how much I really depended on what other people thought. Lauren, in particular.








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