One day at the lab I had an extra part of a baguette lying around and decided I’d make a little pizza for lunch. I grabbed the baguette stuck it in my little lunch bag along with a tomato and some pesto. I figured that would be good enough to throw together something delicious. I walked out of my new updated apartment and made my way to work peacefully.
It had been pretty easy for most of the day and I was sitting at my desk when I decided that it was pizza time. I gathered up my things in my little red tote bag and walked passed the receptionist, smiled, walked through the skyway and down the stairs that led to our break room. I saw a couple of familiar faces on the way and smiled and said hello. I cut my baguette, spread my pesto on nice and thick and chopped up my tomatoes, sprinkling them on the top. I used the company salt and pepper shakers for a little extra flair and stuck my two halves in the toaster oven on top of some tin foil I had found in one of the drawers.
After about 10 minutes back up at my desk I started to get a little worried and figured I’d better check on my little pizzas. I walked back passed the receptionist, opened the double doors leading to the smaller staircase, and immediately smelled my pesto bubbling from atop the balcony that made me feel like you was somewhere in a high school gymnasium. I hurriedly made my way down the long set of stairs and found my way to my masterpiece. Another fellow, that I saw from time to time, commented on how good it smelled. That’s way better than my yogurt, he had said. I smiled and laughed and told him how excited I was. I happily made my way back up to my desk.
This moment, for some reason, stuck out to me. When I had started for the company, I remember the day where I felt so much angst in making a smoothie in the same break room. I was completely consumed by what everyone at the table had been thinking about me and ridiculed myself for not being better in talking with them.
Sometimes, I find, that it’s not the big moments where you finally tell someone off or stand up for yourself that mean the most. Although, I haven’t really had too many of those yet and I’m sure that they do, in fact, feel good. for me it’s the little moments where I feel calm and collected. Where I feel a slight love for myself humming in my heart that makes me know that everything is just as it is supposed to be.
I chocked it up to a wild success. I was proud of myself for being able to be so happy and positive after how much grief I had been through with Lauren at work.
I was happy I was still able to confidently walk the halls and do what I wanted to do. I was happy I wasn’t obsessing over what everyone else saw or thought. When I got happy about doing things for myself, it reflected in my outside world. Lauren was quiet at her desk, the fellow in the break room had complimented me. Everyone seemed accepting of me because I was finally accepting of myself.