Chapter Six

The first few weeks after I quit my job at NDX were hard. I hadn’t become as self-aware as I am now and I spent most of my days feeling bad for myself. I became obsessive about doing things around the house and getting things done and then if I didn’t do that I’d make myself feel bad. Almost in the same ways Zoe and Melanie had made me feel bad.Β  I didn’t sit with my feelings and try to figure out where they were coming from. I didn’t heal myself, I pretty much avoided my feelings as best I could.


The family we were house-sitting for was due to be back in April from San Diego. We ended up landing the perfect place to rent with enough time to spare before they got back. It was out on a peninsula in a quaint little beach town about twenty minutes from where we were living. It was a trailer on a little plot of land and it even had its own private deck out back. There was small walking trail in a nature preserve in our back yard too.

I became accustomed to the trailer quickly. There were always deer frolicking around everywhere because there was no hunting allowed on the peninsula. Birds chirping in the morning surrounded us. Our landlords were an eccentric couple who felt like we were meant to be, so I did too.

The trailer was very 1980’s-esque, but I liked it. It had a tin patterned backsplash in the wrap around kitchen and even had an old school radio built into one of the cupboards that projected sound throughout the whole trailer.

The kitchen was open to the living room and there was a little peninsula island where we could put a couple of stools. The ceiling was high in the living room too which made it feel less like a trailer to me. It felt pretty homey right away.

I happened to hear back from a couple of different jobs that wanted to hire me at the same point in time. Things started working out. The shipyard that pays Jay well wanted to hire me. I had already been in for my drug screening and had accepted the job and then I heard back from the state and they wanted to hire me too. I had interviewed for a position in one of their water labs a couple weeks prior.

I decided to go for the lab job. I was excited to have a better income coming in and I couldn’t wait to have health insurance because I knew right away I wanted to start therapy. I hadn’t thought about fixing things myself. I knew I needed help, but I didn’t realize she would guide me to help myself. The challenges that I faced at NDX I would soon begin to experience again until I worked on my underlying issues.


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