Quarter Life Crisis

I was at a place in my life where I felt like I finally had a light at the end of the tunnel. I could begin to see that there was a vague path in front of me even though the specific steps were very unclear.  It’s like I could feel them coming into being- a concrete energy- that I could sense even though there was no physical sign of it.

About a year and a half ago I was having what some may call a quarter life crisis. I was trying everything and anything to feel fulfilled, even for just a moment. It was like there was an aching in my heart that needed to be filled. For a while I was into acting because I  wanted to enter this nationwide search for the next big female actor. I didn’t win, but I still have notes of all the monologues in my journal which bring up feelings of embarrassment. I knew I wanted to feel fulfilled and I thought that acting was a good way to display actual emotion which I typically never did in my day to day life.

I went through an oil painting phase too where I actually do have some talent. My dad’s an oil painter too. But I was afraid I wouldn’t get enough out of it. I was afraid I wasn’t putting enough of myself into it. I was worried that I wouldn’t make any money doing it  and was worried about all my fears I had going about painting and changing them into love. And I was most preoccupied that I would never leave my lab job that I was really miserable at.

I would get into intense preoccupation and rumination sessions over all of my worries. I’d sometimes even come to the conclusion that I was doomed to fail at life. Then all of a sudden when I started writing and journaling magical things started happening. I started to sound like my very own advisor and I actually felt ok.  I owe this to some psycho-therapy I had started too. It didn’t work for a while, then all of a sudden it just did.

This is what I wrote one day:

Maybe not transform these fears specifically, but just put them out of my head and instead always remember that I will end up where I need to be in the end and learn lessons along the way. I’m not going to be afraid that it could be great and I’m not going to be afraid I will be at a new low afterwards. I will try to just let go and know that it is all part of the journey and that whatever I do it will mold me into the person I’m meant to be. All is well. All will be well. I am okay. I have someone to help me that is an amazing soul. Random worries do pop up in my head, but I will try not to ruminate in them. I feel good. Breathing is good.

Telling myself that breathing was good, reminding myself at the time that I needed it what a precious resource it was. Comforting myself that everything was going to be just fine and that it was just fine. I look back on this block of unedited thought and can be proud of myself. Especially now, almost two years later knowing that all the experiences I went through at the lab molded me into who I needed to be. It was all part of the journey all was well and all is well now. Better than well now, I am doing what I love and I have more freedom. It doesn’t come without its own worries but those are easily pushed to the side for the love of what I can say and relay to you.

When I was 25 I couldn’t comfort myself anymore than I could comfort and alligator-mad and hungry for his food. But all of a sudden, there I was being my own support system. Granted this wasn’t the case all days. I spent many days crying in my car on my way to go get pizza at the gas station, believe me! You wouldn’t want to see how much pizza I went through.

This same day that I wrote this beautiful passage I was repeatedly seeing the sequence 456. So, I looked it up on my favorite angel numbers blog which I’ll post below. This sequence was related to practicality and determination to achieve goals. It had gone on to say that it could refer to taking the right steps along your life path.

Know that these changes will bring wonderful abundance and blessings to your life and all of your monetary and material needs will be met.  

Angel Number 456 can suggest a promotion, pay rise or career change. Trust that these positive changes have been Divinely guided.

Angel Number 456 indicates that your actions and intentions to change your life for the better are supported and encouraged by the angelic and spiritual realms. Instead of worrying about how things will work out, put your time and energy into holding positive thoughts and expectations about what you truly desire. Through the Law of Attraction you will draw those experiences and situations into your life.– Joanne Sacred Scribes

I look back on the guidance I received that day from my angels and I can’t help but get chills. They were reminding me of how practicality and determination can achieve goals, reminding me to let go of what was holding me back, reminding me to keep going and to focus positively. If I focus positively on everything that could be coming to me and hold that in my heart then it has no choice but to come to me! It doesn’t help me to focus on negativity. Focusing on the people who were bullying me at my job would only bring me more of it. It put my head in a different space to allow it into my life.

These realizations would have been impossible to see without the help from my angels and their corresponding messages. Something led me to that site. Something told me to type in ‘angel numbers’ to my search engine and click on that blog. The blog that would become my lifeline.

Joanne’s Blog!!

Now I can see how I still need that advice that they gave me. Here I am and I have alot of my story up on my blog and I am losing hope by the day. I have a part-time job but my other part-time job just ended so money is tight. I just drove to the library and parked right next to a license plate that had repeating sixes on it. This message is one of serving and focusing on serving and was there to remind me that I was focusing too much on the material aspects of life. I was worrying how opportunities would come to me or if they would and I was thinking about money and what I could do with it. Granted, the Mac Miller playing in the background wasn’t helping because he was talking about how much money he had.

Its challenging not to think about the material aspects of life when we are surrounded by them 24/7. We hear about it in songs, we see it on TV. We see it driving down the street into the nice part of the neighborhood. We see it and feel, why not me?

I’ve come to learn through various teachings that the key is to just not think about it. Think about things that light your heart up instead. Think about things that make you excited or that make you peaceful. Life is too short to spend time in rumination.

This is really a moment where I just type out where I need to listen to my own advice more than anything. Breathing in and breathing out, all is well.

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